I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I fill condoms, not promises.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
