I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
