He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize