Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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