I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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