Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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