ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
