Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
