When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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