Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
