i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
