would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
