I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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