I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
