I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Randomize
