Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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