My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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