I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
