Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
