I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize