Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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