I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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