I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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