hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
