im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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