Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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