Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
