i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize