I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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