i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
