I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
wow bdsm is so cute
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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