Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think your dad took our porno
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
