No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
