felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
