Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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