bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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