you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
