I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
