He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
