youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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