Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
