I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
