Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
