so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
