actually, I'm a sock model
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize