i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
