Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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