I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize