Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
