please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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