I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
