I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hippo gnu deer
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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