god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
