If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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