The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
