Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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