I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
