I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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