On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
