he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just googled if crying burns calories
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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