Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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