Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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