Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
