Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
