i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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