Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
