sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
