yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
