WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
