I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
