How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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