at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
