dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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