Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
