Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
