Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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