Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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