I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
