Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
