Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
