You smell like a Billy Joel song
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
