Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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