She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
