I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
