Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
