sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
