her facebook's as public as her vagina
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
