I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
