everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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