after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
