my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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