he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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