We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
