please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
