I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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