I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
