I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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