I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
