what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
