Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
