The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
