had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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