You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize