yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
