Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
