my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
