She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
