im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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