dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize