my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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