We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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