I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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