I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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