The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
