now i know why i became what i already was.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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