Church boner. Awkwardddd
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize