I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
