did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
